1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
