I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
