we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she woke up with a sticky ear
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
