I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
