Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
