The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
