Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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