i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
