It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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