Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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