I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
