I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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