god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
