we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
