i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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