I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
