we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
