My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They have beer where we have blood.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
