i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
