My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
