At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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