Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
