As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
