we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
