I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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