You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
