Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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