you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
