Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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