DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
