if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
