Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
