at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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