I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
