at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
