we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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