about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
