dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
