i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
