Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
