i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
