I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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