Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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