I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
