You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
