im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
