is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
