Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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