i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just found puke in my bra..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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