his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
