Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think your dad took our porno
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
