RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
