if only i could text you this smell
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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